My list of Asperger’s traits, part four of four

Social/Relationships

1. Words and actions are often misunderstood by others.

Yes, but I’m not sure why. I feel like i”m being very clear and straightforward, but it’s evidently not the case.

2. Perceived as cold-hearted and self-centered, unfriendly.

Yes, to strangers and when I am upset, embarrassed, or dealing with certain situations. But usually, to people who know me well, it’s the exact opposite. If I have a job to do, I’m pretty unemotional. If I’m trying to manage other people’s emotions that don’t directly involve me, yes. I come off as unfeeling. I’m not, really, I just don’t know what to do or say. I feel like I need to offer a solution, and when it’s something that can’t be solved, I’m pretty bewildered and at a loss of what else to do. If it’s fixable, then I just go for the fix. I feel like I should be more sympathetic, but it’s just not there. I find this odd, as my empathy is quite high…I feel other’s emotional states. But sympathy seems to be a very different thing.

3. Is very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passions/obsessive interests.

All I can say to this one is yep. LOL

4. Can be very shy or mute.

Again, yep.

5. Like her male counterpart, will shut down in social situations once overloaded, but is generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a performance.

This is absolutely true. My doctor even mentioned that I appear to be very functioning. Yes, I can and do.  But sometimes, it’s more difficult to manage, and it’s getting harder as I get older.

6. Doesn’t go out much. Will prefer to go out with a partner or children if she has them.

There are a few places I am comfortable going alone, as long as it’s not too busy and I’m feeling ok that day, like bookstores, craft stores, metaphysical shops, grocery shopping. If it’s an unfamiliar place, I get very anxious. I hate Walmart and the mall if it’s busy. My local mall seems to be fairly slow, so it doesn’t bother me as much. I hate parties, loud bars and restaurants, and shops where people are packed in, or there’s a lot of smells going on.

7. Will not have many “girlfriends” and and will not do “girly” things like go shopping, or get together to “hang out”

I have a female significant other, and I have good friends I talk to online, but I don’t have “girlfriends” at all. Pretty much, you are either family or an acquaintance. I don’t really like shopping much, unless it’s certain shops. Thrift stores and metaphysical shops are my weakness. I get a great amount of joy grocery shopping and filling my pantry, but it’s not exactly something you hang out with your friends to do. I don’t like to go get mani-pedis, or spa days, or clothes shopping with people.

8. Will have a close friend(s) in school, but not once adulthood is reached.

I tend to have one close friend. With the dawn of social media, I have a few friends online I consider good friends. I tend to get romantically involved with my really close friends, though, male or female, so they usually move from friend to significant other. Other good friends I consider family, and I see those things are very different.

9. May or may not want to have a relationship. If she is in a relationship, she probably takes it very seriously, but may choose to be celibate or alone.

I have been in a relationship of a romantic nature pretty much non-stop since I was 14. Part of that is because I don’t move from an established relationship until I’ve established a new one. Yes, this often comes off as cheating, although my definition of cheating doesn’t equate to others. I fear being alone, usually because I tend to use my partners as buffers. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, it just is. I have to be reasonably sure that a new relationship is coming my way before I will move on. That being said, I am very choosy who I will let into my world. If you are in my circle, it’s because I love you, simple as that. I am polyamorous because I do not love just one person. I’m openhearted with many people, but that doesn’t mean I will be involved with just anyone. If I say I love you, I mean it, even when I often suck at showing it. Amorous love also doesn’t equate with sex for me. I can love someone romantically and not be sexual with them. I can also do the opposite, but I have other qualms about that for various reasons.

10. Due to sensory reasons will either really enjoy sex, or strongly dislike it.

This is definitely a situational thing. And it’s impossible to tell how I’m going to feel until the moment gets there. I have strong aversions that I always avoid, and other issues that I’m fine with at certain times, and not at all at others. This causes confusion and sometimes anger in my loved ones.

11. If she likes someone she is usually extremely, noticeably awkward in her attempts to let him know, ie she may stare when she sees him or call him repeatedly. This is because she fixates and doesn’t understand societal gender roles. This will change with maturity.

This really hasn’t changed any for me with maturity. I am very awkward when I’m mooning over someone, and oblivious if they are returning the interest unless they are quite obvious about it. I have a few funny anecdotes about those situations that my family loves to remind me of.

12. Often prefers the company of animals, but not often because of sensory issues.
I like animals, but I do have sensory issues with them. Puppies are difficult for me, because cleaning up accidents is very hard for me to deal with. Animal smells bother me, and I have severe animal allergies. I can acclimate to some, and not to others. I prefer cats over dogs.

This is the last of the traits paper. Thanks for sticking around through all of this, and if you are one of my loved ones, I hope this gives you a bit of insight that may help you understand why I’m so weird. :).

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